Up past 2 am, and of course I decide to rekindle memories of the past. Memories…but mostly regrets. Seeing how the present has played out and all that has happened between her and my other close friends, it rubs me the wrong way, and makes me want to kick myself to ruining something perfectly fine. We used to get along, we used to talk everyday, and I let my poor understanding of how douches succeed, suppress the kind of person I was, and the criticism of being too nice and to escalate the level of doucheness, and practically destroyed what was a good friendship progressing well with you. I would think both of us didnt act appropriately, and definitely didnt handle it well, but my instigation is what led to where we stand now. You’ve said we’re over it, it’s the past, but in the back of your mind, you know it’s still flourishing, and it does affect your current perceptions of me. I wish I could turn back the clock, but how many times has that been said, I wanted to gradually repair what we had as friends, and look past the situation, but we’re not there yet. It’s seemingly unrealistic to think it’s possible to rekindle everything before I decided to become an asshole due to being hurt over a previous obsessions with someone who hurt me. But all in all, you were the victim in this, you received the inflict from how I decided to proceed after being hurt, and I’m truly sorry. I’m past the stage where I lack balls to do things, but I believe it’d be better if i displaced my thoughts here, since telling you all of this would probably not change the present. it’s days like back in January, shortly after I met you, that made want to continue hitting you up. Being the lame person that I can be behind a close book, I read through some of chats, it made me smile, but that smile faded into a sigh, and I asked myself, why now? why did I have to do what I did. I’m just sorry, I would hope one day things change, but you’re fixated on the fact that we don’t get along. Well, I respect how you think, I’m just sorry, for not being a true friend when I had that phase, but I’m glad you don’t have to worry about this anymore, you have your own life, boyfriend and friends to continue making you happy, without me in it.